[30 March 2010] 00.53
Confident
everydayku
Doctors, 9:10, full explanation and good communication. Progress was made, also sorted out prescription and potential name change with NHS.

Post office, bought envelope and stamps. can now send change of name deed to gender clinic and elsewhere.

One stop, got name changed with Tower Hamlets Council. Also asked about Tax and received clearer knowledge as to what is going on there. A new bill will come.

Mid day was social, and evening also social. Trying to keep fear to a minimum, it's a challenge, I still feel it strongly, but I am attempting to push it back.

Ready to call it quits for today.

Tomorrow, Doctors, and Therapy.

26 March 2010: 08.11
With this shield
everydayku
"How are you guys doing?"

Ghost: "We're okay"

"Looking forward to the talk?"

Ghost: "I am, Skyler is reading." (hence not answering)



"Morning Skyler!"

"Hi."

"How was the talk yesterday?"

"It was."


I'm trying here, I really am. I can't see what I've done wrong to make two people who a year ago cared about me, behave how they are toward me now. I feel like they don't care about me at all. I'm starting to feel like I don't care about them either.

[Daily good thing]
Confident
everydayku
frostchime (12:53:24): You know, I didn't actually like OCs before joining Jigoku
frostchime (12:53:29): Seth made me like them~
DestinoMiArrendo (12:53:33): *bluuuuush*
frostchime (12:53:45): X3 ♥


This is a really lovely compliment to my writing ability and creative thinking. I made this happen through my own imagination.

[Daily good thing]
Brother to Brother
everydayku
Describe one thing you did today that was positive, and how you made this positive thing happen


I met a new person on DA who is kind and nice, I solicited this because they commented on my GW picture and I visited thier gallery in return.

I have dinner because I ordered pizza, I made this happen because I was brave and ordered on-line even though that means answering the door.

I looked after Ghost. I made this happen because I left open my bedroom door.

[Daily good thing]
Confident
everydayku
Describe one thing you did today that was positive, and how you made this positive thing happen


Today I spent time with Skyler that was not tense, it was friendly, chatty and I didn't feel awkward during any of it.

I made this possible because I faced my fear and went into the living room to get food, and I was able to then share my food with Skyler, and talk to him about various things.

[Daily good thing]
Brother to Brother
everydayku
Meep, I guess I can't do this every day. Lets try again today though.

Um... Damn it. I can't think of anything.

Oh, I give to charities. That is a good thing about me.

[Daily good thing]
Brother to Brother
everydayku
Something good every day. Eili told me to do it so I'm going to try. It might be a stretch to think of something every day, but, I will try.

It makes me feel so bad even thinking about it, I suppose that's proof it will help. When it feels bad it's usually doing some good.


So here's one for today:


I was very supportive this morning, Ghost was unhappy, and I was supportive. I am supportive.

04 June 2009
Brother to Brother
everydayku
... I'm so wanting sex right now. Not the real kind even, just someone to pin me and strangle me and pull my hair so I can struggle and scream at them.

Am I really that shallow? I mean, is it bad to want to have good sex? I know it's far from important but I want it anyway. Before I die I want some... I sound like a fucking ass hole.

Geeze.

02 June 2009: 17:22
Brother to Brother
everydayku
5/10, really depressed. Not sure now whether I want to talk to them about the things I was planning on taking action with, or whether I want to leave them. Could things still be okay like this?

033: 31 May 2009: 11:01
With this sword
everydayku
Okay, yesterday I should have dated and explained my posts a little more. I'm sorry about that. My whole life is changing and I am erratic about it. A real mess.

I think I may end up a friend living with two people who I am in love with. Yeah, but I think I need to distance myself because they are not in love with me. They love me, sure, but I don't think it's with the same intensity as they love each other.

This is fine, I just need to know where I stand and right now I don't know if we're going to try and stay together and re-kindle our love for each other, or if we're going to separate and live together as extremely close friends.

Either way I am still going to London, I was looking at my options this morning and really, I don't have any other choice. I have to go.

I'm very very depressed, even though I know everything will be alright. I want Skyler and Kyuu to be happy. I just don't want to loose anything that I might never get back.

I'm so very lost and confused right now. What do I want to do? Where do I want to be?

?

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